My teammate and I were talking the other day about how hard teaching is on staying healthy. I realized then that I have not been *gasp* getting smaller in my 6 years of teaching. Anyone else out there have this shocking realization?
I love being a teacher. I love being in charge. I love my students. But y’all, I blame teaching for making me fat! Here are 6 reasons I thought of. Please feel free to add your own in the comments!
I can’t pee when I need to.
Teachers can’t usually go to the bathroom when we feel like it, or even when we desperately need to. Many an afternoon is spent with my legs crossed, just waiting for the last kid to leave so I can
walk sprint to the bathroom. Since I can’t potty when I need to, drinking a healthy amount of water just isn’t happening for me.
That is, unless we can take 12 class restroom breaks every day…
Come on class, field trip to the restrooms again… Mrs. Thompson is trying to drink a gallon of water today!
So. Many. Treats.
There is always some sort of event or holiday or appreciation day that causes 27 plates of goodies to appear in the lounge.
It seems like thank you’s come in the form of a box of donuts. Don’t get me wrong, I love a celebration. But the fact that I am unable to resist a freshly baked cookie or cake staring me in the face just doesn’t help my situation!
That, and first graders bringing you cupcakes and then crying if you don’t promise to eat all 3 of them at lunch that day!
No time for an actual meal.
Who actually eats on their lunch period? I am usually going to the copy machine or putting out some sort of fire with a student. I’m lucky if I get to eat a granola bar and a bag of chips while I’m getting sh*t done. This one forgot her lunch in the car, that one needs his jacket, those two are starting a food battle in the cafeteria.
You’d think all this running around school and not eating would be to my advantage, but, no.
It’s hard to close the 746 browser tabs in my brain when it comes time for sleep, so I need lots of caffeine to keep me going throughout the day!
Unfortunately, I like my caffeine with exponential amounts of sugar, so you’ll probably find me with a soda or coffee or, on particularly tiring days, both!
What is exercise?
I can’t even tell you the last time I went to the gym. Maybe over the summer?
The extent of my daily exercise is a round of Go Noodle with my kids!
#thankgoodnessforfreshstart #andkookookangaroo #danceparty
Stress Eating. (And Drinking.)
Because what better way to avoid dealing with piles of paperwork than to head down to the lounge to chow down on some of the aforementioned treats?
Also, when you teach first grade for so long, you start to forget how to do certain things like estimate a serving or measure how much you are supposed to eat of something and then it stresses you out and you have to then eat more to compensate for the stress of trying to do something and failing!
Oh and I can’t forget the wine. Sip sip sip. The amount I drink throughout the year depends on the level of crazy the children are exhibiting and is on some sort of bell curve. Or something. Don’t ask me about math above a first grade level.
I know I should probably cut down on the sweets and caffeine, but hey… someone has to help eat that tray of muffins, right? I wouldn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Who gives a horse as a gift these days? I’d like to be friends with that person. I want a horse.
I digress. I chase a lot of squirrels. Or horses.
I’m definitely not going to turn it down if someone wants to say “thank you”! Plus, I’m willing to take one for the team.
I’m a good friend like that. You’re welcome. :)
**This post has been edited to add that this is obviously humor. Some people apparently have no idea what that is.**